My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
