Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
