How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
