The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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