everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
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