I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize