How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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