whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
