was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize