well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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