Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He felt like a one man threesome
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
