took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
