I'm eating all of the evidence.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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