I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
