If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he laminated a picture of his dick.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
