Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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