Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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