god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
