i just wanna soil my oats bro
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
