the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
