"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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