5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
dude. I can hear the air.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
