after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
