We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
