It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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