I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the raccoons are back...
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