I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
