my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
