Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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