My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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