Nicole vs. Life
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
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Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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