I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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