Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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