i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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