even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
