You don't have asthma, your pregnant
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
