so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
