hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
zippers are such a cool invention
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
