$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize