The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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