you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
