You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
