I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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