I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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