mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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