So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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