What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
