Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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