Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
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Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
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Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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