Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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