Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
