8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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