watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
