I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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