Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She said her name was "party"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
