she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
