Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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